i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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