Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize