Got a toothbrush?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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