he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
