you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
