There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
