even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
