So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
