Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
