Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
