OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
