If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
