shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
