Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
