No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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