She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
