can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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