Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
