Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
