if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
