Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
