I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
