I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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