I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
