The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
