Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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