his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
