And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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