Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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