I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
