Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
