Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
