4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
