I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
