Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
