I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
