So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
