I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
