this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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