Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
