Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
