Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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