The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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