yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
