i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
