i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
