At least make sure they are 18
Why
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
