no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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