Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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