wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
