they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
